A House is Not a Home
by makuroshi
Summary: Erwin knows he can just come upfront and confess that he thinks Levi's living room needs more colours, but given how minimalist the petite man is, he doubts Levi will give a damn about it. Besides, where's the fun in that? Getting Levi to comply is becoming a challenge. And Erwin Smith loves the impossible. Eruri 100 Themes Project: #31 - Colours


**A House is Not a Home**

**Pairing: Erwin/Levi**

* * *

Levi is not susceptible to persuasions; that is a fact established and understood by most. He can, however, accept thoughts and ideas if they come with proper justifications, but even so, there are certain things he strongly regards as 'Levi's Law' –a set of constant and unalterable principles that everyone should adhere to should they want to get acquainted to him. Among these, cleanliness and minimalism take the top spot, with the latter ranked only a bit lower than the former.

So when Erwin Smith comes into the picture and tries to change Levi's view on one of these aspects, he doesn't take it too well.

**i. blue**

When Erwin visits Levi's home that fateful day, he's stunned by the sheer looks of it.

Levi's 2LDK house is dull, mundane, lackluster, bland, dreary and every single word in existence that can describe such _emptiness. _For a mere kindergarten teacher, it's spacious enough -mostly thanks to Levi's stringent expenses control- but the sad lack of furniture and embellishment makes Erwin cringe a little. In fact, it appears as if Levi has just recently moved in, a theory Erwin knows is incorrect because one: there are no scattered packages and wrapped boxes anywhere in sight, and two: he has once dropped Levi off here a few months ago when he had taken him out for dinner.

Everywhere he turns, Erwin's eyes are met with mostly white. White walls, white coat rack, a black television, a tiny pot of cactus on a painfully plain coffee table, more white walls; everything just _screams _boring, and Erwin wonders how does Levi even survive in such a horrific, mind-bogglingly blank and sorry excuse for a living space.

"Have a seat," Levi says casually, hanging their coats on the rack that is obviously far too fragile to fit two. He languidly makes his way to what Erwin deems to be the kitchen, hips swaying gracefully with each step. Erwin would've given an indecent hungry look at that, but he's too shocked to do so. Instead, he stares at the retreating figure, baffled and amused at the same time.

"Where?" Erwin asks, half joking but mostly serious, because he really doesn't see any actual proper place to sit other than the squeaky clean floor, and he doubts Levi would like that. Levi glares in return, roughly gesturing towards a small foldable chair in the far corner next to the windows.

"There's a chair, in case you haven't noticed."

"I haven't, but okay."

Erwin sits despite his concern over the chair's questionable durability. It creaks loudly under his weight, and he is reminded of the sounds his bed makes whenever he has Levi trashing and writhing beneath him as he pounds him into the mattress, over and over again. He's a tad bit grateful that they've been doing it at his place and occasionally at the hotel, because god knows what Levi's bed looks like if his main living is already so scarcely equipped with adequate furnishing. Though breaking the headboard while going at it might sound sexy, breaking the _whole bed_ in the process isn't exactly gratifying.

Now that Erwin has seen it with his own eyes, it's no wonder Levi has never suggested his place before.

"Coffee?" Levi pops his head out from the kitchen, holding two mugs up and slightly waving them in the air. Erwin notices that the mugs are a set of black and white and sighs dejectedly.

"Yes, please," he answers. "On a second thought, some creamer would be good."

Levi doesn't question Erwin's sudden change of tastes. He gives a curt nod before disappearing behind the slightly protruding wall, taking along a piece of Erwin's sanity with him, because fuck, as if the wearisome white walls are not enough, now he has to wait for Levi in complete silence not unlike that of a graveyard. Well, minus the clinking of spoons.

Erwin tries tapping his fingers to the tune of a random song but fails miserably, considering the absence of arm rests or nearby solid surfaces. Thighs are never meant for tapping, anyway. He runs his eyes across the room next, hoping to find anything worthwhile noting, like Levi's memorable photos or favourite paintings. Fat chance; there's nothing but a grey clock that keeps on ticking and ticking and ticking like it's mocking him.

Almost six minutes later –which were by far the longest six minutes of his life- Erwin is already dangerously close to pulling his blonde hair from its roots in frustration when Levi appears with two steaming hot mugs in his hands and a perpetual frown on his face.

"You okay?" Levi asks, most probably sincerely worried considering how surprisingly gentle his voice is. "You've been acting weird since you first came."

Erwin doesn't answer for a while, merely staring at his lover's face with a calm, calculating gaze. When he opens his mouth, the reply is not something either of them has expected.

"Levi, we need to do some shopping."

"What?" Levi squawks, baffled and confused, and to be honest, Erwin can't blame him because he doesn't exactly know what he's saying either. The original plan of his visit involves lots and lots of _intimate bodily interactions_ and _'hands-on' activities_, but it seems that almost all of Erwin's horse power and libido has flown out of the window after witnessing the house's dire conditions. And that's really saying something.

The hand that extends to offer the coffee still hangs mid-air, and Erwin quickly snatches both mugs from Levi's grip, setting them on the table. Hastily, he grabs Levi's hand and drags him out of the house, coffee and sex be damned.

Erwin has decided: it's time for his intervention.

* * *

"Wait, I still don't fucking get it," Levi says when Erwin's leaning over him, buckling his seatbelt against his will. He doesn't protest despite being treated like a child, simply watching Erwin's every move with condescending eyes. "Where the _hell_ are we going?"

"Shopping," Erwin answers, not bothering to explain any further, fully aware that Levi would dismiss him had he known the reason behind this. "You'll know when we get there."

Levi growls menacingly in a way that promises endangered testicles and long sleepless nights, but Erwin ignores him, only starting the car and keeping his eyes on the road.

Fifteen minutes later, Levi finds himself standing in front of a decoration shop in the heart of the bustling city.

Levi turns to face Erwin, whose handsome face he suddenly has the uncontrollable urge to bash into pieces. "You are fucking kidding me," he grits through his teeth.

"I'm not."

"You're ditching our weekly sex for _this? _This a new kink of yours, or something?"

"I didn't say anything about ditching it altogether," Erwin beams and holds his hand. "Look, Levi. Trust me on this, okay?" Realizing that he's not getting anywhere if he continues being lenient and giving room for more arguing, Erwin pulls a visibly irritated Levi into the shop, the jingling of bells greeting their arrival.

"Welcome to Sina Decors!" An annoyingly cheerful voice resounds from behind the counter, and both of them turn to see the cashier; a boy in his teens, emerald eyes brilliant, youthful and exuding too much enthusiasm for Levi's liking. Levi can't seem to figure out if the boy –Eren, as his nametag displays- is faking his fervor and keenness or is genuinely happy to finally serve customers in what appears to be an almost deserted shop. Levi can care less, really, but Erwin has nodded in acknowledgement at the excited boy, so he does the same.

The store's interior, for one, makes Levi crinkle his nose in disgust. Bright, overzealous colours flood the space, and the place _reeks_ of rainbows, cuddles and unicorns -just basically overflowing with radiating happiness that forces Levi to struggle keeping down the bile that churns in his stomach. There are all sorts of trinkets and ornaments that he's positive he'll never come within 10 meter radius of, and if _this_ is the kind of shopping Erwin means, he's damn well leaving. Convinced that he's seen the worst of the world, Levi's ready to turn on his heels and flee, but he is stopped by a strong arm tugging his own.

"You're _not_ going anywhere," Erwin says, gentle smile on his face betraying the commanding tone of his voice. "Choose something."

"Step aside, eyebrows. Even if it's you, this is too much."

"I'm going to ignore that first bit, but really, is it that hard to choose anything that you like?"

"In a grocery store? No. In a decor shop? _Yes._"

Erwin sighs, not quite anticipating such fervent resistance and hostility from the other man. Judging from how his residence is minimally furnished, it's clear that Levi holds some kind of grudge against decorations, but now the hatred is definitely on a level of its own. Sure, he keeps the house clean -almost too clean, even- but that's the whole problem; it doesn't _feel _like home. Erwin knows he can just come upfront and confess that he thinks Levi's living room needs more colours, but given how minimalist the petite man is, he doubts Levi will give a damn about it. Besides, where's the fun in that?

Getting Levi to comply is becoming a challenge. And Erwin Smith _loves _the impossible.

"Just get an item, and then I promise we'll get out of here. The faster you make your pick, the faster we get home."

Levi goes silent for a while, seemingly assessing the situation carefully. From the years of knowing Erwin, he's well informed that the blonde man is a scheming bastard who constantly have intricate and thorough plans behind his every actions, and most of the time -if not always- the plans end in desirable fruition. Normally, he would have played along without much resistance, trusting Erwin and his forward-thinking mind. Though this time things look weirder and fishier, Levi is tired of bickering pointlessly, and to put it simply, he just wants to have his fair share of sex already.

If buying some piece of shit is what it takes for Erwin to bring them home and get the fuck on with the original plan, then so be it.

With an indignant huff, Levi wanders deeper into the shop, occasionally peeking back to see if Erwin is creeping on him. Thankfully not; Erwin is now busy talking to some freckled kid with too friendly eyes and too warm a smile. The next time Levi turns, they're laughing joyfully at something Levi hopes isn't their common interest, because Levi isn't too convinced he is willing to handle a teenager as a rival in love. Figuring that the best way to get the heck out of here is by making a quick purchase, Levi runs his gaze along the items on display, scrutinizing each and every detail of the sculptures, pots, carvings and whatnot. Nothing is beautiful enough to catch his eye, and he's so damn close to giving up when he is startled by a voice calling out to him.

"Sir, how may I help you?"

Another boy, who Levi assumes is another employee, greets him in a way that suggests he's been standing and waiting in the aisle for far too long. Unlike that Eren kid, this one looks much less eager, if the close-knitted brows are any indication. It isn't too far-fetched to even say that he looks agitated, like he wants nothing more than to get off his shift as soon as possible and leave the place.

Levi understands where the anger is coming from. After all, he shares the same sentiment. All these colours are beginning to suffocate him.

"Yeah, umm… Jean," Levi reads the name, not sure of the correct pronunciation but just giving a shot at saying it the French way. The boy lights up instantly, grinning widely and nodding for Levi to continue, and Levi briefly wonders if the kid is delighted that someone pronounced his name right for once. "You see, that bastard over there forced me to choose something. You've got any recommendation?"

Jean ponders for a moment before walking over to a corner at the end of the aisle, motioning Levi to follow him. They arrive at an array of tall, slim vases tinted in various hues arranged in a rainbow sequence that serves as a painful reminder to Levi that he's in a goddamn wimpy decor store. Jean starts talking -perhaps explaining the aesthetic values of the item- but Levi is too pissed to even listen, only catching a few words here and there.

"Errm… Sir? Would you like me to show you something else?" Jean asks, and Levi clicks his tongue.

"No. I'll take this," Levi points to a light blue vase that appears to darken in an ephemeral glow when seen from different angles. He doesn't know why he chooses that colour of all the options available, but he thinks it might have something to do with how it reminds him of Erwin's dazzling sapphire eyes when the man smiles and stares oh so fondly as though Levi is his only purpose of life.

_Great. _Now he'll be reminded of Erwin's stunning blue orbs every single time he sees it. Just fantastic.

Erwin pays cash, satisfaction stamped all over his face when he sees Levi cradling the wrapped vase. The Eren kid bows like he's trying to kiss his knees when they leave, barking a loud "Thank you!", and when he turns to enter the car, Levi sees Jean running up to the freckled boy elatedly with an accomplished smile. Reading his lips, Levi can tell that Jean is saying "I did it!" and "he took my words, Marco!" while Eren watches the pair and yells something back. In no time, Jean is on Eren's throat, mutual strangling and wrestling taking place out of nowhere, and now Levi kinda gets why the shop is empty all the time.

When they reach home, Erwin comments on the vase, looking more amused than ever, much to Levi's dismay.

"I see you have good taste, Levi. Exquisite."

"Shut up," Levi scoffs. "It's your fucking fault."

"Are you mad at me?" Erwin asks, smirking as he observes Levi placing the vase carefully on the table. The glass catches the light and reflects it onto the white walls, illuminating the space with a faint but mesmerizing blue. Ah, now that's easier on the eyes. "I'm sorry. I'll buy you flowers to make up for it."

"You'd better," Levi growls seductively before tugging impatiently on Erwin's gray tie, leading him to the bedroom to claim what is rightfully his.

And that is how the light blue vase finds its place on the coffee table in the living room.

**ii. red**

It happens again the day Erwin shows up on his front door with a bouquet of daisies and a million-dollar smile.

"I kept my promise," he simply says when handing Levi the flowers, as if that explains why he's dropping by uninvited. Of course, a lover should be able to visit regardless the time, but still, Levi would appreciate a little earlier notice. The last few days were in actuality quite hectic for him, what with the kindergarten's open day coming up soon and all the children's reports that need to be reviewed, so a surprise attack isn't what he's after right now.

The blue vase stands out as the only item that doesn't look like it comes from grayscale TV shows from the 50s. Erwin sits down on the creaking foldable chair, less bothered by the sound now that he's known from experience Levi's bed is sturdy enough to support their rather vigorous activities. He thinks that everything will be okay now, that the house is now a home, but then Levi takes away the blue vase to fill it with water for the daisies and suddenly the room is back to square one: empty and boring as heck.

Erwin decides that in the end, not much has changed. It seems that his intervention is far from over.

Minutes later, Levi returns with the vase in hand, only to be dragged out once again by a determined Erwin.

"Erwin, what the fuck?!" Levi shrieks, a sense of déjà vu washing over him as he's strapped down in the car seat for the second time that week. "Why are you so bothered about _my _house anyway? You tryin' to propose and come live with me, or something?"

"That's in my agenda," Erwin says and smiles kindly, sending a playful wink at Levi with his hands still firm on the steering wheel. Levi feels his chest tighten and his heartbeat quicken a bit. "But right now, I just want you to pick. Preferably something of another colour."

This time around, the freckled kid –also known as _Marco_, as Levi has found out previously- is taking on the role as the cashier. Without a second glance, Levi shuffles to the section he never got the chance to go to _(oh god, why does he sound like he wants to be here)_ silver eyes scanning the rows to look for anything interesting. He doesn't realize that he's almost reaching the furthest part of the shop when he bumps into another person and falls flat on his ass.

"I'm sorry!" He hears the other say, and then followed by a soft gasp. "Ah, it's you!"

Levi looks up to see the enthusiastic cashier from that day towering over him, sea green eyes still gleaming with passion. Now he's pretty sure that Eren truly loves his job, judging from the inextinguishable ardor he exudes all the time. Getting up with a slight wince, Levi stands and immediately frowned when he notices that even _this _boy is a good few inches taller than him. Screw Erwin for bringing him to this place. Goddammit all.

"Watch it there, you brat."

He tries to sound patronizing, but Levi is actually quite impressed that Eren remembers him even though he's never even spoke to him. Though, he figures that it's only natural, since there aren't that many customers to remember, anyway. Before Eren can reply, Levi cuts him off, already feeling dizzy from the onslaught of colours.

"The floor is hella dirty," Levi mutters as he wipes his hand with his handkerchief, making a mental note to wash it when he returns home. "And your items mostly suck. You got anything new?"

Eren answers with a loud, stammering _yes _and proceeds to take Levi to a display rack showcasing scented candles. Tens, no, _hundreds_ of them line up in neat order, again in a spectrum of colours that burns Levi's eyes in the most agonizing way. Scented candles… Levi cringes at the thought of having smoke particles in his house, but then again, it doesn't hurt if you don't light it, right?

Unable to decide just yet, Levi glances behind his shoulders towards the store's door and sees Erwin intently staring at something on one of the front shelves. He sees the broad shoulders, the defined muscular body hugged deliciously by the fabrics of the tailored dress shirt, the large warm hand that reaches out to examine the items, and suddenly Levi feels hot in places he shouldn't be feeling in public.

Better hurry, then.

"I'll take one," Levi says, cursing silently at the slight hitch in his voice.

"Actually sir, this one comes in a set of six," Eren says sheepishly. He turns his head around, searching for someone before roughly shouting across the shop in a manner Levi is positive is unbecoming of a polite shopkeeper. "Hey horseface! What do you call the colours that change gradually again?"

"It's gradient, you loser!" Another voice shouts back in an equally rude tone. Eren cusses and turns his attention back to the customer.

"Yeah, the candles come in a set of gradient. We have many colours, and they come with different scents! Purple is lavender, green is apple, yellow is sandalwood, red is rose…" Eren rambles on and on non-too-helpfully. The thing is, Levi wants _one, _not the whole freaking set, but it can't be helped since he's too much in a hurry to browse for other products any longer, and fuck, his pants are a bit too tight now. Levi is already punching and kicking the kid in his mind, so he grits his teeth and snatches the crimson set, walking to the cashier and almost slamming it onto the counter. The glaring red hue just added flame to his irritation, and Erwin's deep rumbles of content laughter that echo as he pays for the candles don't help in soothing him down at all. Or his raging hard-on, for that matter.

He has report cards to write, drawings to grade and letters to sign, but thanks to Erwin, none of them are getting done any time soon.

Hell, Levi hopes that this is the final time Erwin is pulling this shit on him.

**iii. white**

Tough luck for Levi, because with Erwin Smith in his life, things never go as they are intended to.

Levi thinks it's getting ridiculous when Erwin drops by again the next day, only to take him to Sina Decors for the third time in a week. At the back of his mind, the curiosity regarding his lover's true intention behind these little shopping episodes lingers, and wild ideas have even begun to manifest, ranging from Erwin feeling guilty for cheating on him (though he highly doubts this because if there's someone who is a strong believer in loyalty, it's Erwin) to Erwin suffering a concussion and is now having the mind of a rainbow-loving ten years old (this he doubts even more, because a ten years old can't possibly fuck him senseless until he sees stars and is reduced to a moaning mess like what Erwin has been doing for the past few days).

Levi has never thought the day will come when he'll be regarded as a regular to a fucking _decor store_.

This time, he doesn't bother to take note of the cashier, neither does he pay any heed to the few other customers in the shop who are now sending apprehensive glances towards the odd couple. A lady in her thirties is whispering towards her young boy, perhaps warning him not to look at the weird strangers. Levi knows they make a mismatched pair; minus the gender issues, there're already the enormous height difference, the clash of personalities, and the fact that Erwin's dashing suave looks have women swooning and wanting to have his babies, but Levi doesn't care: when has he ever cared about what people say, anyway?

The kid whimpers and scuttles away when Levi throws him a death glare, and he would have felt bad for it on normal occasions, but he's not quite up for guilt right now. Erwin follows closely, tagging along as Levi makes his way effortlessly through the familiar aisles. It scares him shitless to think that he's beginning to memorise the layout of this place, and it frightens him even more that there's a tiny hint of excitement that ignites in his heart when he sees the latest things on display.

Fuck it, he's slowly turning into a hopeless sap with a newfound adoration for pretty things. And it's all Erwin's fault.

They pass by a few shelves with nothing striking in particular, and then walk along a row of plushies, all of which come in multiple sizes. Levi turns to tell Erwin that he has no freaking idea what to buy anymore and he notices the mischievous glint in Erwin's azure eyes. Levi knows that look; it's one that doesn't take no for an answer. He trails Erwin's line of sight further along the shelf… to meet a pair of large midnight eyes, hollowly staring into his soul.

A gigantic panda bear –which when fully stood Levi's sure will reach at least up to his neck- perches on the top of the shelf, a price tag dangling off its foot. The black circles framing its eyes are almost comical, and the small smile can easily be mistaken for a grimace.

No way.

_No fucking way._

"Levi," Erwin begins, and Levi has been with Erwin far too long, understands him well and loves him deep enough to know what comes next. "That one is cute. Kinda looks like you."

"Hell no," Levi threatens, not liking the smirk on Erwin's face. "You're going to regret this, Erwin."

"Oh I know I won't, Levi," Erwin says, gently brushing a stray strand of hair from Levi's eyes in the way that never fails to induce temporary cardiac arrests. "Because when it involves you, my choices are always with no regrets."

* * *

Levi returns home that day with a colossal panda bear in his arms and a list of missions: To kill the Jean brat who dared laugh at him when he made the purchase, to slaughter Erwin in the most painful way possible tonight after ridding him of his family jewels and finally to kill himself to escape prosecution. All in all, it involves a lot of lost lives.

Nevertheless, the plushy earns a place alongside its comrades despite having a rather dull colour scheme. Levi sighs, considering stuffing the offensive item into the far back of his closet and only managing to do so after Erwin left the next morning. The blue vase and the red candles are still in the living room, but those are nowhere close to the eyesore that the plushy is, at least in Levi's opinion.

Erwin visits much more often over the course of a few weeks, and soon Levi is already used to their little outings to the store (and the mindblowing sex that always follows), but it is only when Erwin goes on a business trip for two weeks later that Levi realizes how much has changed since this all started.

He steps into his house after an exhausting day at work –difficult cranky children and parents complaining about his rigidity, honestly they shouldn't have enrolled their kids if pampering is what they have in mind- and is surprised to find his living room looking much, much more vibrant than what he's ever remembered seeing. There are colours everywhere he turns; abstract paintings on the wall, violet clock replacing the gray, lime-green wooly rug on the floor, soft yellow tablecloth dotted with orange, and countless others, all of which have transformed his house into something else entirely…

…It feels different.

It feels like _home_.

The scene smoothes the knots in his tense shoulders, magically pulling the burden of stress away from him, and a smile blooms on Levi's face, barely noticeable but genuine and unmistakably there. Levi strides to his bedroom, rummaging through his closet to find for the long forgotten thing. When his fingers brush against the fluffy fur, he pulls it out and is mildly shocked at how heavy it is. He falls onto the bed with the panda bear on top of him, and proceeds to speed dial the person he longs to see.

_[Not that he'll admit it; it's something he prefers to keep to himself.]_

After a few rings, Erwin's sinfully deep voice answers. "Hello? Levi?"

"This is your fault," Levi immediately says. "My house is now a goddamn circus and I blame it all on you."

Levi hears a pause, and then a hearty chuckle from the other end of the line, and he fights a losing battle against the overwhelming force tugging his lips upwards. He fails, _god_, he _always_ fails when it comes to Erwin Smith.

"But you like it, don't you?" Erwin teases. Levi breathes and fiddles with the paws of the snuggly panda resting in his half embrace, and for a moment, he forgets that he's a middle-aged grown up, nuzzling into the warm furry coat like a lovestruck teenager.

"Just… come back soon, asshole."

Another quiet laughter, and then Levi _hears_ Erwin's smile, soft and sweet, the kind that melts Levi like vanilla ice-cream in the middle of scorching summer. This is not fair, Levi thinks. It's never fair when Erwin has his weaknesses on the back of his hand.

"I'll try," Erwin says, and makes a sound that bears an uncanny similarity to that of a kiss. Levi unwillingly blushes, rolling his eyes. Trust Erwin to kiss him goodnight through the phone.

Levi hangs up and closes his eyes, feeling himself rapidly pulled into the realms of dreams, lulled by the ringing of Erwin's voice and downy plushy arms wrapping around him. It's strange, how easily Erwin can change his life without actually doing anything much. How effortlessly he amends the resilient 'Levi's Law' like it's nothing.

Well, maybe Erwin is right. Maybe having a little colour in life is not such a bad thing, after all.

* * *

_[Erwin shows up a week later wearing a bizarre tie-dyed rainbow t-shirt, a huge golden snail carapace in his hands and a wide lottery-winning grin on his smug face. Levi's brow twitches at the sight that's threatening to burn his retinas._

_"Souvenirs for my beloved Levi!"_

_Levi promptly slams the door in his face.]  
_

* * *

A/N: I just wanted to write Levi struggling with little cute things, and somehow it boils down to this. Hopefully you get a few good laughs from it. Reviews are very much appreciated! :)


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